by Kristen Math
Typically, discussions about bullying revolve around the youth in society. We don’t often think of adults as bullies, but today’s schoolyard bully just might grow up to be an adult bully. A survey conducted by Harris Poll found that adults are being bullied at the same rate as adolescents. In fact, another survey found that 31% have experienced bullying as adults. What does that say about how we treat each other as adults and the type of behavior we not-so-willingly put up with to save our jobs or keep our marriages from failing?
What does adult bullying look like?
The American Psychological Association defines bullying to be a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. A bully could be an aggressive neighbor, a gossiping acquaintance, an angry boss, a spiteful coworker, and even your spouse.
Bullying can be physical. It can take the form of harassment or threatening behavior. Shaming, judgment, and criticism are examples of verbal bullying. An adult can be the victim of cyberbullying where they are embarrassed and ridiculed via social media, text or video. Bullying can become a pattern of behavior where the perpetrator is emboldened and the victim feels powerless. This is a process that is toxic to the victim and to the perpetrator.
What are the psychological and health effects?
Bullying has several negative health effects. Beyond the enormous stress, anxiety and depression that individuals being bullied report, 39% suffer from sleep loss, 26% have headaches and 22% experience muscle tension or pain. In addition to the emotional strain, health responses induced by bullying include gastrointestinal changes, nausea, elevated blood pressure and cardiovascular issues. Bullying affects the mind and the body. It overwhelms the body’s defense system, creating emotional and physical pain.
How do I stop the bullying?
If you are being bullied, it might be tempting to confront your bully. Instead, avoid interacting with your aggressor if at all possible and when you must, be assertive about your needs. Avoid being reactive or crying and try to come at the conversation from the superior point of view. Stay in a group if possible, as the group dynamic will provide you some protection and support from the aggressor’s behavior. Keep a paper trail of incidents of abuse, particularly at work; and consult legal representation, counseling, or law enforcement if necessary. The top priority is for you to stay safe.
How do I recover from bullying?
It’s natural after being bullied to have a narrower world view and to focus more on the bullying. This continues to lower your self-esteem. Find supportive people to talk with about what happened who will validate your experience while you work on rebuilding your self-esteem. This could be friends from work, a local or online support group, or a therapist.
Work on changing how you view your life in general. It’s all too common to be consumed by thoughts of the bullying experience. Instead, refocus on some of the positive things in your life; things that give your life meaning and bring you a sense of comfort.
Allow yourself to move forward by discovering new hobbies or things you enjoy doing. Start putting the experience in the rear-view mirror as you nurture these new parts of yourself and see life from new angles.